Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Enough sports! Let's get serious!

Courtesy of the Wonkette:

Richmond, The Capital Of The Confederacy

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

But these are just Devil Goats, or what Virginia calls

 “the new slave.”

No, I don't know what it means, either.

Barkevious Mingo is Name of the Year!

A signal victory, indeed.  
(Thanks to LSUfreek.)  
Loser Iris Macadangadang (Michigan Alum) is also pictured.  

Epic Fail

Say no more:
Raul Ibanez goes yard against Nationals "closer" Joel (Gas Can) Hanrahan, 4/27/09.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Lineup Idiocy

From MASN.com
Lineup Changes and Strasburg
|  | Comments (0)

I still don't think we are getting enough speed at the top of the lineup to set the table and cause more havoc for opposing pitchers. Anderson Hernandez good choice to lead off. But lets go with Alberto Gonzalez to bat 2nd. I need to see more movement from those top 2. Ryan Zimmerman logical at 3, always a good spot for him. Adam Dunn power at 4. Elijah Dukes at 5. Nick Johnson at 6. Austin Kearns/Josh Willingham at 7. Jesus Flores at 8 then the pitchers spot. 

I don't know, Byron.  How about getting some guys on base at the top of the lineup?  Most sabrmertrics show that the most important batting order spots are 1st, 2nd and 4th.  So, of course it's perfectly logical to have the two worst hitters bat first and second.  Nothing like having the bases empty for Zimmerman and Dunn.  Because the only movement these two clowns will make is the right hand turn into the National's dugout.

Try this one for size:

Guzman 6

N. Johnson 3

Dukes 8

Dunn 7

Zimmerman 5

Kearns 9

Flores 2

Random second baseman


Thursday, April 23, 2009

That noise you hear on Saturday will be my head exploding.....

Inside the Redskins front office:

(Danny Snyder enters the Redskins war room)

Redskins staff (rises as one):  All hail Emperor Sixtus Flaggus, King of Johnny Rockets, Prince of Hollywood, Duke of Red.......

Snyder:  Hold, peasants. Where is my henchperson? 

Redskins VP Vinnie Cerrato:  Here, Sire.  May I hold your horse?  What about a game of racquetball? 

Snyder:  (Smacks Cerrato with a used Deon Sanders do-rag).

  Shut up, will you.  I've got problems.  Six Flags stock is so low it's selling for Confederate money.  Valkyrie was a flop.  I have to have something to take my mind off my problems!  And sell more jerseys!  And overpriced "Tailgate Club" tickets!  And Touchdown Club tickets!  And "Draft Day Hats"!  

Cerrato:  Well, Your Majesty, we could use this year's first round pick to address either the problems of an aging, injury-prone offensive line or get a stud pass-rusher to take the load off Haynesworth and Carter.  We've traded away the second and fourth round choices for guys who aren't with the club anymore, so we'll have to use the late rounds to try and find some sleeper picks who may have been overlooked.

Snyder:  What about Mark Sanchez?  

Cerrato:  Um....My Fuhrer, he's a quarterback.  He probably won't be available when we draft at 13.

Snyder, eyes gleaming:  A franchise quarterback?  We haven't had one of those since I fueled up Redskins One with Johnnie Walker Blue and signed Jeff George.  Tell me more.

Cerrato, wearily:  Well, your magnificence, he won't fall to us at 13.  Seattle has the fourth pick and they are looking down the road for a replacement for Hasselbeck.  Our best bet is probably a new right tackle to replace the rotting corpse of Jon Jansen.

Snyder:  I don't care about right tackles.  What the hell is a right tackle, anyway? How many right tackle jerseys can I sell, fool? I need a quarterback, a franchise quarterback.  Those bastards in Chicago beat me to Jay Cutler!  I offered two firsts, and Jason Campbell and they turned it down!  Damn, I can't believe that anyone could out-bid me!

What will Sanchez cost me?  

Cerrato:  This year's first, next year's first and probably something more.  

Snyder:  That it?  That's all?  

Cerrato:  And, we'll have to do something about Jason Campbell.

Snyder:  Who?

Cerrato:  This year's starting quarterback, your stupendousness.

Snyder:  Oh.  Him.  But he's not a franchise quarterback, idiot.   Get me Sanchez!

Cerrato:  Sire?  Are you sure?

Snyder:  Sanchez!  Sanchez!!  Sanchez!!! Sanchez!!!!  Get me Sanchez, dammit!!!!! I need to sell more jerseys!  More "Touchdown Club"  memberships!

Staff Scout Rosencrantz (aside to scout Guildenstern): What's a touchdown?  Did we have any of those last year?  

Guildenstern:  Is that where the ball goes into the stands and we run around all the bases?

Snyder:  By the way, Vinnie, I heard there was another big signing in town, and he didn't sign with us.  What the hell is going on around here?

Cerrato:  Sire?

Guildenstern (stage whisper):  I think he means Ryan Zimmerman, Vinnie.

Cerrato:  Do you mean Ryan Zimmerman, your eminence?  He doesn't play football.

Snyder:  Are your sure?

Cerrato:  He went to UVA.

Snyder:  Well sign him anyway.  And Adam Dunn.  And Alexander Ovechkin.  All of them!!!!

Cerrato, genuflecting:  Yes, your grace.

Snyder, exiting:  Sanchez!  Jerseys!!  Draft Day Hats!!!   Ryan Zimmerman!!!!  This will be the greatest day of my life! Ohboyohboyohboy!!

Touchdown Club!  Redskins chili!

I'm a marketing genius!


(With apologies to W. Shakespeare.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

All Hail Our Emperor

Vote early and often!  Defeat the evil she-goddess of Macadangdangistan (and Michiganstan).

Monday, April 20, 2009

Seven Million New Yorkers Can't Be Wrong, Right?

Pepsi Promotion Ends With Chants of 'Pepsi Sucks'

New York Yankees Tie-In Goes Horribly Awry

Yankees fans who showed up for a Pepsi-sponsored promotion yesterday were none too pleased after standing in line for hours only to find out fewer tickets were being given out than promised.According to the New York Post, "Chanting 'Pepsi sucks! Pepsi sucks!' the over-caffeinated mob cracked open cans of the soft drink and poured it onto the pile of swag, sending cops racing to the scene." And there's video! Video in which an angered fan also shouts, "Drink Coca-Cola!" http://adage.com/adages/post?article_id=136057

Can we have a do-over?

Can we start the season over again?

After three consecutive meltdowns this weekend against the Marlins, Stan-the-man-with-the-Plan and Mike Rizzo blew up the Arson Squad on Sunday afternoon.  With a 1-10 record and 3 for 3 blown saves, something had to be done to keep the season from being a total loss by Mother's Day.  

It seems like Manny Acta, like many managers today, manages by job description:  So-and-so is the "8th inning guy", so and so is the "closer", etc.  In a way it makes since, since it removes a layer of decision making.  If the "8th inning guy" blows up, well it his fault, for not living up to his job description.  Case in point is the top of the 7th in the Nats-Phillies game on April 13th.  With 2  left handed hitters due up in the Phillie 7th, Manny brings in a right hander (Saul Rivera, now pitching for your Syracuse Chiefs) who hits Victorino and Utley, serves up a titanic dinger to Ryan Howard, strikes out worth and another gopherball to Ibanez. Score goes from 4-4 to 8-4 Phils in the blink of an eye.  

Now what's irritating is that a perfectly good lefthanded option (Joe Biemel) comes in th pitch the 8th!  What the hell, when the 3 most dangerous hitters are lefthanded and it's the 7th inning of a tie game, he can't pitch the 7th instead of the 8th (or God help us, pitch two innings.  What? his arm might fall off?).  But no, Rivera is the designated 7th inning guy and Biemel is the designated 8th inning guy.  Arrgh!!  I seem to remember that in the days before bloated 12 man pitching staffs, relievers were often matched to the situation, with managers having both righthanders and lefthanders able to nail down the game (see the 1979 Pirates, for an example).  What we have now is bureaucratic inefficiency.

But on a brighter note:  Ryan Zimmerman signs for 5/$45million.

Hoepfully a brighter note: Jordan (2-N) Zimmermann is scheduled to start tonight.  The bad news is Derek Lowe is starting for Atlanta

Greetings, bloggerati !

The title comes from an old Calvin & Hobbes comic strip, and represents the elements of "classic humor".  At least as how Bill Watterson defined it.