I've been away for a while, I know. But with the Redskins seemingly in the hands of responsible adults (Allen and Shanahan, that is. Snyder, not so much), the flow of non-stop, write themselves jokes has dried up.
Fortunately, there's college football.
With the PAC-10 looking to become the PAC-16, I thought I'd help out by dividing up the uber-conferences into 4 16-team conferences with 4 divisions. Conveniently, there are 65 schools plus Notre Dame in the "Automatic Qualifier" conferences. That means, to get to 64 somebody has to go. Sorry, Baylor.
So with my god-like powers, I have divided the college football world as follows:
Behold!
The PAC-16:
The Rain and Fog Division:
Oregon
Oregon State
Washington
Washington State
Surf's Up, Dude Division
California
Stanford
UCLA
Southern California
High Plains Drifter Division
Colorado
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State
Texas Tech
Border Patrol Division
Texas
Texas A&M
Arizona
Arizona State
The Atlantic Coast 16
Tobacco Road Division
North Carolina
NC State
Duke
Wake Forest
Rust Belt Division
Syracuse
Boston College
Pittsburgh
Connecticut
Potomac Watershed Division
Virginia Tech
Maryland
Virginia
Rutgers
Crockett & Tubbs Division
Florida State
Miami
Georgia Tech
Clemson
The Big 10 + 1 + 5
Brent Musburger Drinking Game Division
Ohio State
Michigan
Penn State
Northwestern
Rectangle States Division
Kansas
Kansas State
Nebraska
Iowa State
Mike Wilbon Midwestern Sensibilities Division
Indiana
Iowa
Purdue
Minnesota
Nothing in Common Division
Illinois
Missouri
Michigan State
Wisconsin
The Southeastern 16
Future Melanoma Division
Florida
Georgia
South Florida
South Carolina
Poverty Belt Division
Kentucky
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
West Virginia
Father of Waters Division
LSU
Mississippi
Arkansas
Mississippi State
Bryant-Jordan Division
Alabama
Auburn
Cincinnati
Louisville
And of course, all by their lonesome is:
Notre Dame
