Welcome to the Anarchist Convention!
I've been away for a while, I know. But with the Redskins seemingly in the hands of responsible adults (Allen and Shanahan, that is. Snyder, not so much), the flow of non-stop, write themselves jokes has dried up.
Fortunately, there's college football.
With the PAC-10 looking to become the PAC-16, I thought I'd help out by dividing up the uber-conferences into 4 16-team conferences with 4 divisions. Conveniently, there are 65 schools plus Notre Dame in the "Automatic Qualifier" conferences. That means, to get to 64 somebody has to go. Sorry, Baylor.
So with my god-like powers, I have divided the college football world as follows:
The Rain and Fog Division:
Surf's Up, Dude Division
High Plains Drifter Division
Border Patrol Division
The Atlantic Coast 16
Tobacco Road Division
Rust Belt Division
Potomac Watershed Division
Crockett & Tubbs Division
The Big 10 + 1 + 5
Brent Musburger Drinking Game Division
Rectangle States Division
Mike Wilbon Midwestern Sensibilities Division
Nothing in Common Division
The Southeastern 16
Future Melanoma Division
Poverty Belt Division
Father of Waters Division
And of course, all by their lonesome is: